Boku no Monogatari
by Beatrisu
Summary: A series of drabbles told from Axel's point of view. Not necessarily in chronological order, and it doesn't follow a storyline. Rated for Axel's mouth and upcoming smut. And if Axel's telling the story, the pairing should be obvious. No?
1. If I don't have a heart, why do I hurt?

**If I don't have a heart, why do I hurt?**

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I'm sort of depressed, I guess. Or, I think that would be how I would feel, if I had the ability. Roxas is gone, which leaves me feeling kind of alone.. I've never enjoyed loneliness. I guess you can call me a sosial person, or... Something like that. If I was a person.

I'm currently sitting on that tower in Twilight Town, where we used to meet. He was here a moment ago, but now... Now he's gone back, and to be quite frank; I don't know if I'll ever see him again. It hurts, to say the least. But I don't know if it's pain that I'm feeling. Might just kill myself, since I hate being without a heart.

My hands are sticky because of the melted ice cream, but I don't notice. The thing I'm focusing on at the moment are the tears. I don't believe I've ever cried before, but... Now I do. I guess, in my twisted way, I sort of loved him.

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**So, this is the first part of my drabble series. They will show up whenever a plotbunny jumps into my head. Axel's telling a story, you see. Which is kind of entertaining.**

**Feedback, anyone?**


	2. The Accidental Assgroping Session

**The Accidental Assgroping Session.**

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So I was walking down the halls when this really cute kid with blonde hair just crashed right into me and we both ended sprawled up on the floor. Nice way to start the day, huh? Well, turns out I accidentally managed to touch his ass, because suddenly I was sprawled out on the floor with a new, bright, shiny, flashy, blooming shiner on my face, which meant I had to go see Vexen for medical supplies. He didn't even let me apologize! Can you believe the nerve of that kid?

I mean, I was trying to explain that I didn't mean to grope his ass, right? But he just went on about how I was a "pervert" and that it was "a lousy excuse for copping a feel". So what? He does look good, but hey, I'm not into those kinds of stingy, tiny things. No, seriously, I wonder why I even bother being pissed off about it. But hey, he gave me a shiner. Which means I've got all rights to be angry, doesn't it? It does. At least, I think it does give me an excuse to pretend to be angry.

So the next time I saw him, I cornered him and got the news that he was new, his name was Roxas, and he was a little frightened. I told him that it didn't give him the right to just barrel into me and then punch me because I accidentally groped his ass, right? And he just looked at me and told me that I still gave out lousy excuses...

I've come to realize that he does have a nice ass, though... But I don't really want to touch it. Not at all. I mean... He'd technically be a minor, right? Statutory rape?

Nah, I'll just... Grab a cigarette and see how it goes.

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**What will Axel do? We'll never know, will we... Hmm... Unless he decides to give me a plotbunny...**

**Feedback?**

**–crickets-**

**Anyone?**


	3. Budding feelings and such unpleasantries

**Budding feelings and such unpleasantries.**

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I've realized I _might_ just harbor a teeny tiny crush on the kid. However that works, with me not having a heart and all.

Not that I intend to _tell_ him, I'll just be my usual charming self and make him come on to me first... Because I don't want to be smashed down again. Now, I usually don't care that much about my fellow Organization members, but... He's special. He makes me feel alive, like... Like I have a heart. Which is good, I guess... Because I like it.

And no, I don't have to make sense, not at all. I just don't. So shut up. Zippit!

I don't really get it. I used to be all suave and cool and now, whenever _Roxas_ enters the room, I'm reduced to a blubbering pile of Axel-goo. It's not particularily pleasant, not with the way Xigbar keeps taunting me for it. And Marluxia. And about anybody else who has noticed.

I'll just... Try to keep the kid oblivious, for now. And then we'll see. I'm not telling him, he'll have to figure it out on his own. Yeah. Sounds like a good plan.

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**Sheesh! I'm on a roll tonight! I just keep writing up drabble after drabble... Which is kind of nice, since... Nanashi isn't going so well. I promise that it isn't dead, it's just... Not very healthy at the moment.**

**Feedback is welcome!!! Cookies abound!**


	4. The strange kind of pillowtalk

**The strange kind of pillowtalk.**

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"So… Roxas…"

"Yeah?"

"I… I uh… Need to talk to you…"

"What about, Axel?"

"Well, you see, there's this... This issue."

"An issue."

"Uh yeah, an issue."

"What kind of issue?"

"Well, I have this friend. This really tall, gorgeous redheaded friend."

"Uh huh?"

"And he's in love with his best friend, who is this really amazing, cute, gorgeous and funny blonde."

"Axel...?"

"Yeah...?"

"It's okay. I'm in love with you too..."

"That is, if we had feelings."

"Yeah. If we had feelings."

"So..." I turn to look at him. We're sprawled out on his bed, and it's really soft and cushy and nice... And he's so cute, and I think I could drown in his eyes, because he's really that gorgeous.

And he smiles at me, and I feel like I can't breathe anymore, and I just wish... I wish that he would kiss me... So when it does, it feels like I have a heart, and it's amazing.

He's so warm and soft, his lips are pliant, smooth and gentle.. And his tongue... So moist, so slick against my own, and if I had a heart, it'd jump right out of my chest. It would be beating like crazy, I'm sure of it.

When we finally break apart for air, he smiles at me and looks into my eyes. I feel like I could spend eternity looking into those eyes.

"Axel... I'd love you. If I had a heart."

And I know that if I had a heart, I'd love him, too.

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**Utter fluff. Hope you all liked, but... I'm in need of more plotbunnies. Requests? Any comments? Any suggestions on improvement?**

**Honestly, I'd just like a review in general. Not that I'm gonna beg, but... Since my story seems to be popular already, I'd like your input. Any kind of input. Thanks.**


	5. On Roxas and Anger

**On Roxas and Anger.**

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Roxas doesn't shout much when he's angry. He just looks at you with those deep blue eyes, and let me tell you; those eyes can _glare_. Scarily.

Usually, he's angry because I've been a dumbass. Which I am. A lot. So this means that I've seen a lot of those glares in my time with him. It doesn't diminish his cuteness, though... But still, I don't really feel like arguing with a guy who wields two keyblades and can kick my ass in five minutes any time of the day, thank you very much.

Still, I keep managing to anger him. And I think I hurt him quite a lot at times, for which I want to say I'm sorry... But sorry doesn't cut it, I guess. Sometimes, a plain apology isn't enough. At times, he's been avoiding me for days because of something I said, and I feel like I could burst with guilt. I don't want to cause him pain, I really don't. Yet, I do, and often.

Vexen keeps telling me it's because I'm incapable of respecting anyone. If that were true, I doubt I'd be friends with Roxas at all. Because I really respect him and I want him to see how much I care.

Oh, but I can't care, can I? 'Cause I don't have a fucking heart! Yeah, that's right... I've got it memorized, don't worry.

Man, I need a cigarette... He's been avoiding me for two weeks. Guess I must've really said something idiot, huh? The worst thing is... I don't know what I did.

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**Another plotbunny just hopped into my head along with Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos. She's my goddess of music, I swear... She's amazingest!**

**You gotta fight! For your right! To Reeeeeeeeeview!**


	6. He doesn't remember me

**He doesn't remember me.**

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He doesn't remember me, and it pisses me off. He doesn't remember all those times I had him moaning beneath me in one of our beds, writhing and sweating and fucking him until he was sore. He doesn't remember how we vowed to be together forever and that we'd always love each other, no matter how shitty things got.

He doesn't remember the first time we kissed, he doesn't remember all the times I had to comfort him because of something one of the older ones said, he doesn't fucking _remember_!

Wasn't I important to him? What the fuck is his deal, anyway? What the fuck does he mean when he says that he _sort of_ remembers?! What the fuck?!

Are these twerps so much better than me? Is that what he's tryin' to tell me? What the hell?! I was his best fucking friend, his goddamn lover, and he just goes an forgets me like I'm yesterday's leftovers or something?!

Shit, this ticks me off... I don't wanna think about it, I'm just gonna end up roasting his ass. That won't do us no good, nuh uh. Xemnas's gonna kill me. _Fuck_!

Yeah well... Three'll be the charm, eh? I just gotta try again. One more time. And this time, he's gonna remember me.

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**Okay, so here's the sixth installment. I've gotten over 170 hits, so I'm guessing that it's popular. Which inspires me to write more. Hope to see more reviews soon! Any input makes my day!**

**In case you didn't notice, there's a button down there. It likes to be pushed around the clock. Just one click and a couple of words. See? That wasn't so hard!**


	7. On Roxas and Pineapples

**On Roxas and Pineapples.**

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I really like pineapples.

And in a way, Roxas reminds me of them. On the outside, they're really stingy, but they're sweet and nice on the incide. So, in order to get close to Roxas, I'll have to peel away that stingy, hard layer on the outside and get to the sweet, juicy stuff inside.

I'm not going to cut him into pieces, I swear... I'll just have to make him like me. Get past his bitchy and defensive exterior and move into that sweet core, make myself a spot there. Won't be easy, but.. It's always worth a shot. I mean, yeah, I'm probably the one who is closest to him right now, his best friend and all... But I want more. The more I see of him, the more I want to reveal.

He's beautiful and shrouded in mystery. I want to unravel his secrets and become one with him.

Don't I sound mushy? Whatever became of the tough Axel that everbody knew? Demyx says he fell in love. But how can we fall in love when we don't have hearts? Well, Dem's got an explanation for that one, too. He says that we don't need hearts to feel.

I don't know how he came up with that, but... I'm inclined to believe him. If it means I've got an excuse to feel what I feel for Roxas, I'm happy. Or, as close to happy as I can be. Now, I just have to make Roxas realize what I feel for him. Sigh.

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**I hate pineapples. Not just dislike but real, thorough hate. However, Axel likes them XD They remind him of his favorite blonde!**


	8. Six guidelines to wonderful blowjobs

**Six guidelines to wonderful blowjobs.**

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What do you do when the love of your life wake you up early in the morning, from a wet dream about said love, and all you really wanna do is fuck him senseless?

I'll tell you what you definitively will _not_ or _should_ not do when said love is a Keyblade master.

1: You absolutely do NOT pin him to the bed and kiss him breathless, because that will piss him off to no end and he'll go homicidal on your pretty little ass.

2: You do not attempt to pull him close enough to give him a blowjob, because that will have him in defense mode rather quickly since he's a shy bastard.

3: You don't confess your undying love for him. _So _tacky.

4: You don't tell him to get down on his knees so he can worship your cock properly.

5: You will, in no manner whatsoever, let him see the boner that is currently tenting your blankets.

6: You will not let him see that you are, indeed awake.

So I'd fulfilled all the commandments from above, made sure that he didn't think I was awake and so on and so forth... Which meant I was very startled when he smirked (I have a weird tendensy to sleep with my eyes half open) and slipped under my covers.

Not to mention how confused and utterly stunned and delighted I was when I felt him tug down my boxers and wrap one of those calloused hands around my very much awake cock. And when he stroked, I was in heaven.

So you can believe the shock I experienced when that soft, wet, warm and absolutely amazing tongue wrapped itself around the head of my cock and started licking at the precum which was by now dripping, I'm sure. But oh GOD it felt so good.

All I could do was moan and slide my hands under the covers to tangle in his hair and enjoy the ride, because I can tell you this: Roxas gives _amazing_ head.

And when I finally came (much sooner than I'd have hoped for), he poked his head up and looked at me, smiling that cute little smile, licking his lips...

"I knew you were awake, Axel."

I nearly died right then.

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**It just popped into my head. That's my excuse. Sorry the smut didn't last longer, but I sort of felt that if it got any more elaborate I'd fuck it up, so it just had to stop here. Gomen nasai!**

**Other than that, I wish to thank my one reviewer, and the one who favorited this story. I always hope for more reviews and suchlike, so feel free to utilize the review button thingie! It loves being pushed just as much as Axel loves being woken up by Roxas giving him a blowjob!**


	9. We Don't Fit

**We Don't Fit**

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I've done some rather nasty shit during my time as a nobody. Before that as well, but… As a nobody, I've killed, abducted, raped and tortured. The worst thing is that it doesn't bother me. I've never really liked thinking about those topics… Rape, murder and the like, but since I lost my heart it hasn't really mattered.

Then Roxas came along. He made me remember how it felt like to have a heart. He made me remember how to laugh and feel compassion again. Sure, the little bastard is a bitch… But he's my best friend. Him, Demyx and me… We were never made for this whole nobody-business. We don't fit in here, with the order. Sure, Demyx is a cold mother fucker, but he's not exactly your ideal fighter, either. And he isn't the brightest bulb in the box. Plus, he's nearly obscenely cheerful for someone without a heart. It's somewhat disconcerting, because it makes it all the more frightening when his mask slips and you see just how cold and heartless he is.

Roxas, on the other hand, is as angry as a wasp and as bitchy as a female cat in heat. He hisses and bites (proverbially so) and would probably claw your eyes out if you wronged him in any way. He's a frightening little fuck as well, but not as scary as Demyx.

Me, on the other hand… I'm just the local oddity. The clown, if you will. I'm the jester that makes fun of everyone, including myself. The only one similar to me in that regard is probably Xigbar, but he's one of the most "trusted" to the Superior. I don't get it.

Why the hell did we have to become nobodies? Why didn't they ask us first? They left us without a goddamn choice, and now I'm in this Organization I don't really give a fuck about, full of lying, cheating bitches and bastards. Somehow, that prospect makes me feel like shit, makes me feel like tearing my hair out and throwing a tantrum.

That's why it's so good to have Roxas. He lets me vent.

Whenever I'm angry, he lets me pound his tight ass into oblivion, and god _damn_ if it doesn't feel good.

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**Author's ending notes: **_I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, but I've sort of been dealing with a Naruto co-written fic with one of my favourite authors, and RL has been a bitch. It even bit my ass. I hope this made up for it though, even if it's short._


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